Whaddya
know: It's the 12th year of Warped Tour,
and here we are, bringing you Top 12s from some of Warped's headlining
artists. Talk about cosmic coincidence! Read on to find out all
the juicy tidbits, from Justin
Sane's Top 12 snacks to Tim McIlrath's Top 12 depressing movies to
watch in his bunk. Enjoy!
 AFI
bassist Hunter Burgan’s TOP 12 REASONS TO WEAR BLACK THIS SUMMER
1. Black absorbs the heat from the sun's rays, which will keep you
warm during those chilly summer months.
2. It will be easier to fit in with all the other people wearing
black.
3. There’s
less chance of being mistaken for a gang member based solely on
clothing color. The gang tattoos will still give you away, though.
4. Black is not only the new black, but it is also the old black.
And in case you hadn't heard, retro is in, again.
5. There's a greater chance of being mistaken for a member of the
Oakland Raiders and being offered a multi-million dollar contract
to leave Oakland for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
6. Wearing black makes you look thinner—unless
you're really fat,
and then it makes you look like you're desperately trying
to look thinner.
7. Historically, black is commonly associated with anarchism.
And c'mon—we're
all anarchists on the inside!
8. While tradition holds that black cats are bad luck, a lesser
known old wives' tale declares black pants to be luckier than a pot
o' golden horseshoes.
9. "The Blackshirts" was the name of Mussolini's fascist
paramilitary group in Italy during the period immediately following
World War I and until the end of World War II. And c'mon—we're
all fascists on the inside!
10. Blood, sweat and puke remain fashionably camouflaged.
No deodorant? No problem—visually, at least.
11. Girls might mistake you for the Black Stallion and try to tame
you or ride you. However, be warned that a regular horse might also
mistake you for the Black Stallion and try to seduce you.
12. According to our sources, black is not currently defined by the
Patriot Act as evidence of treason. Though I hear an anti-black
resolution is up for vote in the Senate…
 The
Academy Is’ William Beckett shares
his TOP 12 SONGS TO TURN YOUR BUS DANCE PARTY FROM DRUNK TO
CRUNK
Disclaimer: Most of these songs require your party
to be intoxicated. If you play any of these songs early on in the
night, while people are still sober, they will most likely laugh
or make fun of your song selection. Used with discretion and proper
mix placement, these songs will keep every ass in the party shaking,
while completely entertaining yourself.
1. K-Fed, “Popozao”
Anyone who saw that clip of him in the studio talking about this
song knows why this is hilarious. If nothing else, you’ll
get a round of laughter from everyone at your party.
2. Black
Eyed Peas, “My H
Perhaps the biggest drunk singalong song ever, “My Humps” will
get even the most timid girl on her feet, and most likely dancing
with other girls.
3. Jay
Z, “Dirt Off Your Shoulder”
This tune, like a few others on this list, is actually a really
good song. It reminds me of when I watched him out-stage a pre-“Trapped
In The Closet” R. Kelly in Chicago a year ago.
4. Kelly
Clarkson, “Since You’ve
Been Gone”
I can honestly say without guilt or hesitation that this is a
tremendous pop song. So while every off-key girl at the party
belts out their “screw
guys” anthem, you can actually enjoy the song, as well.
5.
Outkast, “Hey Ya”
When this song came out, I couldn’t go anywhere without
hearing it. TV, in my car, at parties, at shows… Hell, even
the emo kid in your lunch period liked it. Rekindle those old flames
with this gem, but be sure to play it towards the end of the night.
6. 50
Cent, “In Da Club”
Another song that swept the club scene like the Swiffer sweeps
hardwood floors. Our guitarist Tom’s old band, 504 Plan,
came out to this song at the Metro in Chicago some years back.
Yikes.
7. Pussycat
Dolls, “Don’t Cha”
I didn’t know much about the Pussycat Dolls when I first
heard them, and I still don’t. But about a month
ago, I went to a club with some friends when this song came on,
and the reaction was damn near pornographic.
8. Kanye
West, “Gold Digger”
One of the few songs guys aren’t afraid to sing along to.
This is
essentially the male version of “Hollaback Girl.” Think
about it.
9. Fall
Out Boy, “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down”
Need I say more?
10. Snoop
Dogg, “Drop It Like It’s
Hot”
For this one, mix placement is key. Put it between faster songs,
and it will be a hit.
11. Nelly, “Hot
In Here”
Watching drunk people dance to this song is hilarious, especially
with the guy/girl interaction. All the guy has to do is mouth the “So
take off all your clothes” part, and the girl instantly gets
more slutty. If you’ve seen this happen, then you know how
disgustingly entertaining it is.
12. Lil
Jon And The East Side Boys, “Get
Lo,”
One of the dirtiest songs I’ve heard. The Ying Yang Twins
are the only exception. Pull this one out late in the night,
sit back, and observe the mayhem.
 Sonny
Moore's TOP
12 TIME-KILLERS WHILE ON WARPED TOUR
(Note: decoder ring not included—ed.)
1.
I like 2 ride bYkex. I can do any tricks or anything, but it’s
kewl to go to target b4 the tour.
2. Finding the clean portal podie.
3. Finding wut emery time I dye is going so they can lke me and I
can b with them.
4. Liking at my boobees.
5. Goin’ 2 to do singings at the tents and hanging out wit
my fans
6. Helping Loren do necklaces and making her do kingdom hearts ones.
7. Finding the catering and hoppin’ they have the Atkins produce.
8. Finding a nice quiet tundra to call my creatorz (mom and dade).
9. Finding a nice bathroom with a mirrere so I can flat-iron my hair
so perfect.
10. Chewing: tobacco.
11. Tackling: people
12. THE FINAL TIRLLAGEE! Sometimes I like to go do so much, but I
don’t like to see so many people a the days, and I like to
find how people are what they are wearing and what they are doing… Will
you?
 Against
Me! frontman Tom Gabel’s Top
12 SUMMER TRACKS
1. Moneybrother, “Reconsider
Me”
Play this song with the windows down while breaking the speed
limit by at least 15 mph. Be sure to wear sunglasses. Hold the
steering wheel with your right hand. While you’re singing
along, be really expressive with your left hand. On the chorus,
pull in with your fist clenched like your trying to bring something
or someone closer to you. Feel the wind in your hair. Life is
good.
2. The
Streets, “All Goes Out the Window”
I wish I was a British rapper.
3. The
Triffids, “Hell Of A Summer”
Australians sure as fuck know how to write great pop music.
4. The
World/Inferno Friendship Society, “The
Velocity Of Love”
Don't you want to fall in love this summer? I know I do.
5. Madonna, “Cherish”
And once you've fallen in love with that special someone, don't you
want to go to the beach and roll around in the surf. I would cherish
you, Madonna. I swear I would.
6. Fake
Problems, “Heat On The Feet”
Play this one when you wake up in the morning.
7. Communiqué, “Got
Your Number”
This is a good one after a couple drinks. The combination of sun
and alcohol has your ego swelling to massive proportions. You feel
tough as nails. I've got your number, Guy Ritchie, and you better
watch out.
8. Belle
And Sebastian, “The Blues
Are Still Blue”
The CD came out while we were on tour in Australia. The seasons
being reversed and all, it was the tail end of their summer.
[The disc] complimented the weather and atmosphere perfectly.
I’m predicting
it will work just as well during the summer here in the States.
9. The
Libertines, “Can’t Stand
Me Now”
It’s a great song. If I can’t be a British rapper or
date Madonna, I’d settle for being in the Libertines.
10. None
More Black, “Under My Feet”
Am I the only one who thinks this song has obvious and strong
sexual innuendo? "This is ridiculous. How something small could become
so big.” I giggle every time.
11. The
Tone, “Turn It Up”
This is another driving one.
12. Ryan
Adams, “To Be Young”
I don't know. It just makes me happy. That's what I figure summer
songs should be like—not all drab and bleak.
 Ben
Jorgensen from Armor For Sleep submits his “TOP
12 THINGS I DO ON WARPED TOUR TO DISTRACT MYSELF”
1. Sleep as long as possible.
2. Keep a written tally of how many socks I lose.
3. School Matt from From First To Last in Halo.
4. Lose money at poker.
5. Watch Lost on DVD and try to come up with new theories
to call into my favorite podcast (jayandjack.com).
6. Meet kids at the shows and convince them that I have no idea what
the Warped Tour is and that I don't know how I got there.
7. Grill shishkabab on Anthony's electric grill.
8. Form a gang.
9. Try and convince the dude at catering to give me more than just
one serving of dinner.
10. Buy a disco ball and have dance parties on the bus.
11. Ask the dude selling the Bob Marley shirts on tour to show me
every single design, and then act like it was a tough call, but walk
away without making a purchase.
12. Try to convince myself that I like being in excruciating heat
every day, all day long.
 THE
FOOD THAT SAVED MY LIFE ON WARPED TOUR by Justin Sane of Anti-Flag
Long ago, some genius quipped, “The way to a man’s
heart is through his stomach.” I may be skinny, but it’s
not for lack of eating. The way to my heart is most definitely through
my stomach.
1. Tribe Of Three Sheiks Cracked Chili Pepper
Hummus on
whole wheat pita bread. This is, hands down, the best hummus in the
world! I eat no less than 1 tub of Tribe’s Cracked Chili Pepper
Hummus every day! I’ve even written Tribe to tell them how
much I love their hummus. In return, they sent me three 35-cent-off
coupons that, get this, never expire!
2. Soy Delicious Frozen Dessert (a.k.a.
soy ice cream! Of course, there’s no dairy in it, so they can’t
call it ice cream!). I live for
this ice cream; I eat so much of it, I should be dead! I’m
a gourmet when it comes to Soy Delicious, which is by far the very
best invention ever! My favorite flavors vary from time to time,
but on top of my list are chocolate, Neapolitan, mint marble fudge,
chocolate peanut butter, Chunky Mint Madness, and chocolate brownie
almond.
3. Ah Alaska Chocolate Syrup. Needless to say,
a couple lines of this stuff on my soy ice cream and I am living!
4. Strawberries.
I rarely eat plain strawberries, but in combination with soy ice
cream and the afore mentioned chocolate syrup, I can’t think
of anything better to get me through another day of punk-rock summer
camp.
5. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! I’m
into organic health food, so if it isn’t all-natural peanut
butter and jelly on whole wheat bread, it’s not a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich to me.
6. Watermelon.
On Warped, I eat about 3000 pounds of watermelon a day! It’s
a no-brainer.
7. Silk Chocolate Soy Milk with Erewhon Crispy Brown Rice
Cereal and flax seeds. This gets me going in the morning.
Actually, it’s so tasty that sometimes I just eat it as a
treat!
8. Indian food. On
Warped Tour, I always try to order out for Indian or get to an
Indian restaurant once a week or so. I couldn’t live without
it. Still, the best Indian food ever resides
in my hometown of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, only blocks from my house.
It’s called Taste Of India and it’s located on Penn Ave. Eat
it!
9. Uncle
Eddie’s Peanut Butter Chocolate
Chip Cookies.
These are only available in certain parts of the USA, so when I
find them, I stock up. Every one of these cookies is like eating
bliss. Who needs drugs when you’ve got these cookies?
10. Pamela’s
Chunky Chocolate Chip Gourmet Cookies.
If Uncle Eddie’s isn’t available, this is my fall-back
cookie. These cookies kick so much ass, it’s hard to believe
that there’s a cookie that one-ups them.
11. Vegan
hot dogs on Rudi’s Organic
Hot Dog Buns with organic ketchup.
It wouldn’t be summer camp without hot dogs!
12. Soy Delicious Purely Decadent Vanilla Almond Ice Cream
Bars.
I can never eat just one!
 Rise
Against frontman
Tim McIlrath’s
TOP 12 DEPRESSION-ENHANCING MOVIES
Warped Tour is the kind of place where everyone is having the time
of their lives in the first four to six weeks, but then those last
two just drag on and no one says hi to each other anymore. In those
weeks, you will find most bands being hermits and rarely leaving
their buses unless they have to. On said buses, you will usually
find some ultra-depressing movie playing in any number of these depressed
rockstars' bunks. Here's my 12 suggestions of movies that will either
enhance your depression, or remind you that shit really isn't that
bad. So get off your ass and get your head back in the game, champ! Go!
1. Happiness
Life sucks.
2. Dancer In The Dark
Icelandic and blind, but shit, she can sing…
3. Requiem For A Dream
Life sucks—for junkies.
4. House Of Sand And Fog
Cops and real estate suck.
5. Radio Flyer
Step-dads suck.
6. Turtles Can Fly
War sucks.
7. Love, Liza
Phillip Seymour Hoffman sucks…. gasoline fumes.
8. Match Point
Fuck happy endings.
9. Red Dawn
Guinness once called this the most violent film of all-time.
10. Battle Royale
Apparently, Guinness hasn't seen Battle Royale.
11. What Dreams May Come
Wow, this can't get any sadder. Oops, you were wrong, it just did.
There it goes again...
12. Children Underground
Romanian dictator outlaws contraceptives to boost his country’s
population. Now it's like Neverland over there, except no one flies,
life sucks and little kids are huffing glue. This is a documentary,
very true, and heart wrenching.
Now go listen to some Bobby McFerrin and have a wonderful day.
 Motion
City Soundtrack's Justin Pierre on the TOP 12 RECORDS HE’LL
BE ROCKIN’ THIS
SUMMER
1. Afghan
Whigs, Gentlemen
This record came out when I was still in high school. It was different
than most of the other “alternative” music that was saturating
the airwaves and MTV’s 120 Minutes. It had a serious
amount of soul and raw energy to it. Some of the singing is off-key,
but it adds to the desperation of the lyrics, in my opinion. Greg
Dulli is the ultimate bad guy/hero. He sings about terrible things
that most people wouldn't have the guts to admit, and you love him
for being totally human.
2. Ben Folds Five, Ben Folds Five
This album reminds me of driving around with my friend Lori in her
shag-carpet-lined automobile named "El Jefe." I was going
through a lounge phase at the time, and this particular group combined
that sound with serious rock and hilarious lyrics. Ben Folds is
definitely a huge influence as far as lyrics go. I don't know that
there is anyone alive that can make you laugh and cry within the
same song while, at the same time, totally ripping on themselves.
Self-deprecating humor is always a plus.
3. The Dismemberment Plan, Emergency & I
This was the first record I heard from the Dismemberment Plan. I
had seen them once when they opened for Burning Airlines at the
U of M in Minneapolis, Minnesota. On tour in the van, we would
often play one album to death. This was one of them. Amazing musicians
and disgustingly smart lyrics. I think this might be one of those
bands that all five of us love, and we have to be careful not to
be too obvious about ripping them off.
4. The Flaming Lips, Clouds Taste Metallic
The Flaming Lips have been one of my favorite bands since I was in
high school. They are one of the few bands that have the ability
to constantly evolve, and yet outdo themselves with each new record. This
was one of two records they did with the crazy-haired guy on guitar
(I forget his name) [Ronald Jones. —rock minutae ed.]
It has some of the most ear-piercing and outrageous sounds I’ve
ever heard. How many bands do you know have a song about animals
plotting to escape a zoo that refuse the help of humans because
it wouldn't mean as much to them if they were aided in their escape?
That's right, none.
5. Fugazi, In On The Kill Taker
Fugazi are the only band I have ever seen that play flawlessly live.
They are what I always strive to be, but fall completely short
of. I first heard 13 Songs when I was 15, and was hooked. In
On The Kill Taker is, to me, the “fast” record.
It's the record that you can put on and play at full volume, and
it will motivate you to do whatever it is that you truly need to
get done. They have also been a great influence to me in my personal
life when struggling with certain matters. If only more people
could lead by example.
6. Guided By Voices, Alien Lanes
The first song I ever heard by these guys was “Motor Away.” I
went out and bought Alien Lanes based on that one song,
and I was hooked. Their recordings at the time were really shitty,
horribly played and terribly out of tune. Basically, they were perfect.
Robert Pollard is another lyrical genius. Anyone who can use a noun
as a verb has got some serious skills.
7. Jawbox, For Your Own Special Sweetheart
Jawbox was another band I discovered from 120 Minutes. I
think this record might just be my favorite record of all time. The
music is amazing—it totally speaks for itself, I can't
really do the record justice in words, so I won’t.
8. Pavement, Slanted And Enchanted
My friend Nick was one of those kids who always knew about bands
before anyone else did, and he introduced me to Pavement when I
was 15. I love the sloppy/monotone singing style of Stephen Malkmus.
I don't understand the lyrics at all, but they are some of the
most beautifully flowing words I have ever heard. From what I remember,
they are one of those bands that didn't know exactly what they
were doing when they started. They just made music without any
rules or guidelines. This record is pure indie magic.
9. Pixies, Doolittle
Another band whose lyrics I don't fully understand but love nonetheless,
the Pixies were introduced to me right around the time of their
demise. Sadly, I never got to see them until they reunited. This
record is the epitome of pop-rock in my opinion. It’s easier
to stomach than their earlier efforts and better than their following
two records. [Guitarist] Joey Santiago, what the fuck? I believe
Josh [Cain, MCS guitarist] was really affected by his guitar-playing
style. I don't know if that's a good thing or not (ha ha!). Another
band we have to watch out we don't noticeably rip off too much
from.
10. Superchunk, Indoor Living
Superchunk are my favorite band of all time. [For this list of
12], I was just going to list all of their records, but I thought
that might be a cop-out. Superchunk taught me how to sing and play
guitar in a rock band. There is something very sad about the whole
record, something very nostalgic about it. Even though, I wasn’t
going out with anyone at the time it came out, it reminds me of
an awful breakup. Everything I do, I steal from them. Sorry.
11. The Weakerthans, Left And Leaving
We first met the Weakerthans in Grand Rapids, Michigan and played
a show with them. I had never heard of them—or Propagandhi—but
I was mesmerized. There was this frail-looking man singing with
his frail little voice, accompanied by this amazing country/rock
band. I got their record that night ,and as cliché as this
sounds, it changed my life. John K. Samson is my favorite lyricist
of all time. His attention to detail is surpassed by none. Every
word of every song rings nostalgia in your ear, and makes you feel
either motivated to conquer the world, or content enough to stay
where you are and slowly die.
12. Weezer, Pinkerton
Weezer's best record. After Matt Sharp left the band, they went downhill
slightly, but still... This record is a very angry record. It’s
also funny as shit in a scary sort of self-deprecating way. The
recording is amazing; the sounds are extremely beefy. When we were
first starting out, wherever we went to record songs, we would
use this record as a reference. No one could duplicate it, though. |
