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Discussion: The Oracle of The Mosh Pit
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Celadon |
11-06-2009 @ 12:16 AM
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King/Queen of the Pit
Posts: 6825
Joined: Feb 2006
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BEHOLD! Amazing powers! Amazing predictions! More insightful than a Mohegan Sun approved vision quest! Potentially more snarky and incoherent than a crystal meth laden Andre Agassi!
THE ORACLE OF THE MOSH PIT!
Ask me any question, any at all!!!
You shall receive an answer worthy of it!
 ' border=0>
Muwahahahahahahaha!
I have seen too much.
I haven't seen enough.
Mod In Spirit Since May, 2009
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TheBombMaker |
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11-06-2009 @ 12:36 AM
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Moderator
Posts: 3566
Joined: Aug 2008
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Dear Oracle of the Mosh Pit, what is the better thing to get at a movie theater for someone who has not eaten dinner yet: a small popcorn, small drink, and candy, or a medium popcorn, medium drink, and no candy?
If there is a God, he sure as hell was never human -Kody
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SeñorBurnsOchoSeis |
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11-06-2009 @ 3:11 AM
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Stage diver
Posts: 3813
Joined: Sep 2008
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Dear Oracle of the Mosh Pit,
why have you not received your mod powers yet?
And oh, the way your make-up stains
my pillow case, like I'll never be the same.
Official member of the 905 Tally Crew - Keepin' score since '93...
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prknbns |
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11-06-2009 @ 6:52 PM
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Circle pit leader
Posts: 620
Joined: Feb 2006
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^ LOL! Zing!
Well you're young and you're... you're gonna be someone.
Then you're old and you're... you're ashamed of what you've become.
Well take a look around you...
You're preaching to the choir!
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Celadon |
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11-07-2009 @ 2:17 AM
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King/Queen of the Pit
Posts: 6825
Joined: Feb 2006
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quote:
Dear Oracle of the Mosh Pit, what is the better thing to get at a movie theater for someone who has not eaten dinner yet: a small popcorn, small drink, and candy, or a medium popcorn, medium drink, and no candy?
Wait, why aren't you sneaking food into the theater in your purse? Seriously. By the time you spend all that money on on theater food, you could have gotten like three subs at Subway or a dozen cheeseburgers at Wendy's and have change left over...
If you really are insistent on eating dinner at the theater, I'd say go for the medium sized things and no candy. Popcorn goes quick and gets you mad thirsty. The only candy you can trust at theaters are the Milk Duds and Nerds Rope, and it's only a matter of time before you start throwing Milk Duds at children or cellphone users who WON'T STOP TALKING.
So yeah, get food at Wendy's beforehand and use the candy to throw at people. If the movie sucks, you can at least practice your throwing arm for the Zombie Apocalypse.
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Dear Oracle of the Mosh Pit,
why have you not received your mod powers yet?
Once upon a time, Zeus and his brood got all up in a tizzy about this bitch called Hellen. She was a stupid ho who couldn't make up her mind or put her foot down about who she wanted to be with. Because of this, a bunch of dudes invaded her place and killed a sh*tton of people. Tons of people died. It sucked.
Helen and this pussy dude named Paris decided to run away and make their own country in a magical place called Italy where people were encouraged to vomit so they could fit more food and wine in their bodies, they invented pizza and gave birth to badasses like De Niro and the mafia. The problem is that they were stupid and kept almost dying on the way there, so Zeus and all the other people decided to pull double duty as Gods over Greece and as Gods over this dumbass couple so that they could make their own nation where they could sleep around and do all the things they used to do in Greece... but in Italy and with slightly brighter colors, banner ads and satellite offshoots..
Point is, at one point, AltPress realized that in spite of their new creation (the white board) they didn't want to relive what Greece and Rome had done in the past; have a pretty good thing, make it better, but then spread the power too thin across too many people. Because when that happens... sh*t hits the fan and we go back to the dark ages of fearing God, throwing away medicine and wallowing around in our own sh*t. They don't want to spread the power too thin between too many mods because they have already teared apart and repaired the family too much. So that's why I am not a mod.
If that makes sense to me when I wake up tomorrow, I owe any regular on here a beverage under five dollars if I ever see them.
I have seen too much.
I haven't seen enough.
Mod In Spirit Since May, 2009
This message was edited by Celadon on 11-7-09 @ 2:19 AM
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point270inchgun |
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11-07-2009 @ 9:05 AM
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Stage diver
Posts: 1678
Joined: Oct 2005
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ICP, explain please?
http://www.last.fm/user/rxbandit22/
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Celadon |
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11-07-2009 @ 2:40 PM
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King/Queen of the Pit
Posts: 6825
Joined: Feb 2006
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The ICP belong to a sector of witchcraft so evil and clandestine that even I cannot decipher their true intentions from their worldly avatars. My guess would be that they are a group of incubuses that failed at killing people in their sleep by sitting on them, but they kind of sucked at that because the members of ICP are too fat to sneak through bedroom windows. They settle for making "music" that squashes any higher-ordered thinking in the brain which has somehow worked wonders.
I have seen too much.
I haven't seen enough.
Mod In Spirit Since May, 2009
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DearYou |
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11-07-2009 @ 4:17 PM
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Crowd surfer
Posts: 1006
Joined: Mar 2008
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why is to kill a mockingbird better than every other book ever?
also if you could please evaluate the statement: "Calvin's doctrines were a radical departure from both those of the Roman Catholic Church and Lutherism."
If you could do that in standard 5 paragraph academic essay form that be even better.
I think I saw you in an ice-cream parlor
drinking milk shakes cold and long
Smiling and waving and looking so fine
Dont think you knew you were in this song
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maeface |
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11-07-2009 @ 5:09 PM
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Mosher
Posts: 472
Joined: Jan 2009
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Oracle: Shamwow, or Oxyclean?
The truth never set me free.
So I'll do it myself.
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f-dante |
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11-07-2009 @ 5:50 PM
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Stage diver
Posts: 4958
Joined: Oct 2005
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Dear Oracle..........
.....If I'm horny, and by myself.......is it okay to jack off??
4+10-7+21-15=My lucky number
PLERIFKECETLAY ISMPTEROFRECMT
*The Godfather*
Pirate Captain
This message was edited by fucking dante on 13/45/09 @ 25:13 A.M.
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Adri252564 |
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11-07-2009 @ 8:26 PM
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Fingers Louie
Posts: 88
Joined: Nov 2009
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Dear Oracle, why didnt Wiley Cyote just use all the money he spent on acme products to but himself dinner? Also why is it no matter how many times you wash a three year olds hands thier gross in a matter of second?
I'm living proof, broken and defeated
I'm the shattered youth and no one could believe it
If I can't have you, well darlin' I just can't go on
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shestoast. |
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11-07-2009 @ 8:27 PM
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Mosher
Posts: 456
Joined: Aug 2009
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Dear Oracle,
Is it morally okay to dance like a motherf*cker on top of some tall
dude's shoulders to "Sick Bubble Gum" (no lyrics other than CHEW IT
UP SPIT IT OUT SICK BUBBLE GUM......... ROCKA MOTHA FCKA ROCK A
MOTHA FKA, no riff*ge, only five-ish chords... but decent drums) even
though you think Rob Zombie is a total metal poseur just in it for the
money and for sex with anything that holds still long enough?
I'm having slight "buyer's remorse" as it were. It was fun as hell but it
was Zombie........
There's a point to this.
A point I think I often miss.
Oh clever, clever, where's your heart?
You can turn a phrase until it reads a million ways.
It makes no sense but it's as good as it is sad.
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lollie |
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11-07-2009 @ 9:24 PM
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Stage diver
Posts: 2298
Joined: Nov 2007
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quote:
why is to kill a mockingbird better than every other book ever?
Because you can get something new from it every time you read it.
This thread confuses me. I feel like I'm missing something.
BEWARE THE LURKING VARIABLE.
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TheBombMaker |
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11-07-2009 @ 9:37 PM
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Moderator
Posts: 3566
Joined: Aug 2008
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Dear Oracle of the Mosh Pit,
I am going to take your advice tonight and am excited for that sandwich.
Are you only replying to this while drunk?
Love, Eleni
It doesn't hurt me. You wanna feel how it feels?
You don't want to hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies.
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Celadon |
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11-08-2009 @ 3:30 AM
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King/Queen of the Pit
Posts: 6825
Joined: Feb 2006
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quote:
why is to kill a mockingbird better than every other book ever?
also if you could please evaluate the statement: "Calvin's doctrines were a radical departure from both those of the Roman Catholic Church and Lutherism."
If you could do that in standard 5 paragraph academic essay form that be even better.
First Question: Atticus F*cking Finch.
Second Question: The path of least resistance is for pussies; do your own goddamned research!
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Oracle: Shamwow, or Oxyclean?
Oxyclean gets the hookers, ice cream and blow out of your carpet at the same time. Shamows might get water if you're lucky.
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Dear Oracle..........
.....If I'm horny, and by myself.......is it okay to jack off??
As long as you don't do anything I wouldn't do, it's cool.
Oh, and God is watching, keep that in mind... you sick exhibitionist...
quote:
Dear Oracle, why didnt Wiley Cyote just use all the money he spent on acme products to but himself dinner? Also why is it no matter how many times you wash a three year olds hands thier gross in a matter of second?
a) Wiley was heavily, heavily indebted to the yakuza. The yakuza run the rival corporation to Acme and they wanted him to pimp Acme's stuff in the cartoons so that the yakuza's stuff looks better by comparison. Simple Reaganomics.
b) I do not understand why the children are possessing gross with the statement "their gross". This question is impossible to answer.
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Dear Oracle,
Is it morally okay to dance like a motherf*cker on top of some tall
dude's shoulders to "Sick Bubble Gum" (no lyrics other than CHEW IT
UP SPIT IT OUT SICK BUBBLE GUM......... ROCKA MOTHA FCKA ROCK A
MOTHA FKA, no riff*ge, only five-ish chords... but decent drums) even
though you think Rob Zombie is a total metal poseur just in it for the
money and for sex with anything that holds still long enough?
I'm having slight "buyer's remorse" as it were. It was fun as hell but it
was Zombie........
Rob Zombie actually was a post punk prodigy until he got his first taste of road woman. All went parallel AND downhill from there. Don't feel bad if you steal his stuff in the future, but I hope you feel ashamed of your life if you continue to buy his stuff.
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Dear Oracle of the Mosh Pit,
I am going to take your advice tonight and am excited for that sandwich.
Are you only replying to this while drunk?
Love, Eleni
Computerized Toast System.
And maybe.
I have seen too much.
I haven't seen enough.
Mod In Spirit Since May, 2009
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Marcus |
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11-08-2009 @ 9:18 PM
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Moderator
Posts: 3899
Joined: Oct 2005
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Dear Oracle,
My mohawk is awesome
The birds and the bees and all those groovy things
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point270inchgun |
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11-08-2009 @ 9:59 PM
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Stage diver
Posts: 1678
Joined: Oct 2005
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Dear Oracle, should I apply for tool academy 3?
Obviously I am a tool and Lindsay needs Tool Academies help.
http://www.last.fm/user/rxbandit22/
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Honorable_Mention |
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11-08-2009 @ 10:25 PM
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Moderator
Posts: 5194
Joined: Feb 2006
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Dear Oracle,
Long time listener, first time caller. This is more of a statement...nay, a demand, than a question. But you and I need to hang out because even though I felt this before you landed the Oracle gig, but you're the bestest. This thread is amazing.
That is all.
Congratulations kid, you've been invited to the best party ever thrown.
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SeptembersEnd |
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11-08-2009 @ 10:30 PM
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Stage diver
Posts: 3743
Joined: Aug 2008
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Dear Oracle,
Kill me now, please?
the skyline looks brighter tonight
let's go smash out every light
your left foot in front of right
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Celadon |
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11-08-2009 @ 10:57 PM
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King/Queen of the Pit
Posts: 6825
Joined: Feb 2006
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quote:
Dear Oracle,
My mohawk is awesome
Need pics, but the mental image gets a B-.
quote:
Dear Oracle, should I apply for tool academy 3?
Obviously I am a tool and Lindsay needs Tool Academies help.
Having grown up with people who would be likely to appear on Tool Academy... you guys are too adorable to put your relationship through that. Oh sure, it starts out with a gelled blowout haircut and some extra protein shakes, but pretty soon you are coloring yourself in with orange marker to make sure that your tan is even. Oh sure, the attendion is nice, but it's only a matter of time before you start listening to club music and only hit on rich jewish princesses from The Island who can afford your steroid and cocaine habits, you actually MOVE to the Jersey shore and bathe in cheap calogne. From there it's only a matter of minutes before you're giving blowjobs to Fortune 500 types in the "good old boys" (Read: FLAAAAAAMING!!!!) clubs so you can afford the next version of Halo ODST and your next Natty Ice.
Matt, I care about you. Don't degrade yourself to Natty Ice. The only good thing that has come out of that was the first Alkaline Trio album, but even then, we got Limp Bizket from the same swill. Do you want to put Lindsay through that?
Do you?
quote:
Dear Oracle,
Long time listener, first time caller. This is more of a statement...nay, a demand, than a question. But you and I need to hang out because even though I felt this before you landed the Oracle gig, but you're the bestest. This thread is amazing.
That is all.
I WILL GET THERE!!! But I suck and need to plan.
F*ck, that wasn't witty at all... NEXT!!!
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Dear Oracle,
Kill me now, please?
Do you want death by stale Apple Jacks, rubber duck, Nintendo DS or dvd copy of Mean Streets? That's all I have on my desk right now... so... yeah... I'd recommend taking your rage out on other people first because that's what a ninja told me to do once... so... trust the sage advice of others...
HOWEVER! There is one way you can do this at home that will make you look like the most badass motherf*cker of all time. You only need to procure a kazoo, barrel, three knives or chainsaws and a salami. As long as you can roll around on the barrel and juggle, I think you know what to do with the rest...
I have seen too much.
I haven't seen enough.
Mod In Spirit Since May, 2009
This message was edited by Celadon on 11-8-09 @ 10:59 PM
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Marcus |
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11-08-2009 @ 11:09 PM
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Moderator
Posts: 3899
Joined: Oct 2005
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its floppy
no styling if that helps
The birds and the bees and all those groovy things
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shestoast. |
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11-08-2009 @ 11:21 PM
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Mosher
Posts: 456
Joined: Aug 2009
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quote:
Computerized Toast System
OH HAI
... that would be my laptop. And no, you aren't on it :P
There's a point to this.
A point I think I often miss.
Oh clever, clever, where's your heart?
You can turn a phrase until it reads a million ways.
It makes no sense but it's as good as it is sad.
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AlyssaV |
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11-08-2009 @ 11:23 PM
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Stage diver
Posts: 2711
Joined: Mar 2007
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Dear Oracle,
Why is it that whenever I paint my own nails, without fail they begin to chip the very next day? And how do i remedy this? When I go to a salon it lasts like a week, but I'm too broke/cheap/busy to get a manicure every week. And I know they sell that drying/setting spray, but it has mink oil in it and I'm really not alright with that.
If you could help me out, oh Oracle, that would be fantastic. My pseudo-goth/Marilyn Manson phase (when I might've thought chipped nail polish looked 'cool') was quite literally half a lifetime ago.
Love,
Alyssa
so here's the final scene, when i finally come clean:
i've watched you for years, YEARS
and here's my favorite part: where you beg for my heart
and i disappear
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MaggieIsCool |
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11-08-2009 @ 11:27 PM
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Mingler
Posts: 223
Joined: Apr 2006
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^ I have the same problem, which is why I don't paint my nails anymore.
Dear Oracle,
I really like this guy, and I don't know if I should ask him out. I think he might like me too, but I'm not sure. I don't want things to be awkward if he doesn't like me back, because we hang out a lot.
Sorry for sounding like I'm twelve.
Need medication, more medication.
coursing through your interstate.
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shestoast. |
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11-08-2009 @ 11:33 PM
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Mosher
Posts: 456
Joined: Aug 2009
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Also, Darling Oracle (....what? it's a synonym for dear)
What should one wear to a GWAR show without A) getting paraded on
stage for a joke or B) getting lots of nice food coloring stains?
Thx 
There's a point to this.
A point I think I often miss.
Oh clever, clever, where's your heart?
You can turn a phrase until it reads a million ways.
It makes no sense but it's as good as it is sad.
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